the pain of leaving things unfinished.

4/20/2019

I watched as freedom and oppression came face to face.

Life and death sat down next to each other and talked like friends.

Light and darkness shared a drink.

Namaste: the light in me honors the light in you.

These lights. They are very different.

I see so clearly you are in pain.

You are worth so much more than your ability to dance on that stage.

You are worth so much more than whether or not you get picked up at the end of the night.

You are priceless. You are beautiful. You are loved.

There’s so much more for you than this.

I have your answer.

I have the freedom that would solve all of your problems.

It’s right at your fingertips.

It’s so close you can grasp it if you want,

But I have to walk away now.

I have to leave this club

and trust that I left a little light behind for you to hold on to.  

and trust that the smell of freedom is still in the air

and soon you will taste and see deliverance.

But that’s not for me to ever know.

I hope to see you one day, my friend.

When it’s all said and done.

I wrote this in my journal as I was praying for the girls I met and ministered to this month. Nepal has been an incredible month, full of several different types of ministry. The ministry I’m writing about today is the dance club and cabin restaurant outreach we have served.

Prostitution is “illegal” in Nepal. So brothels front as either cabin restaurants or dance bars. Customers go into these places buying what appears to be food or drinks, but in reality they are buying the woman who serves it to them.

This month, we went into cabin restaurants and dance bars. They are both very different. The cabin restaurant is dark, dingy and quiet. You walk into a dark room and see these wood paneled cubicles all over the room. Inside the cubicle is a wooden booth and bench. There is not much of a cover for what the business really is. The dance bar is bright and loud. There are lights flashing and women everywhere. This place looks more like a business outside of a brothel. But in both places, the girls work either dancing or serving. If someone chooses to buy them a drink, they are buying their time. They will sit and chat and then exchange numbers for whatever other business ends up taking place outside of the walls of the establishment.

Agape (the ministry we are serving) sends teams into these places with the goal of connecting with the girls, building relationships, and then asking them to meet again outside of work. That is where they share the gospel with them, present them with a solution and attempt to rescue them from this mess they are in. When we went into these places, we sat down and ordered ourselves and them a Coke. We asked them questions about their families, their childhood, their life outside of work.

The day after leaving the cabin restaurant, myself, AbbyLin and our host got a chance to reconnect with two of the girls, Sita and Ruby, who we met the day before. That’s where we were able to share the gospel with them and tell them they are valuable and worthy of true love, the love that comes from God. We told them there are other options for them if they choose to leave the work work they are doing. As I sat across the table from them, my heart broke for them. I wanted them so badly to believe me when I told them that love exists and that they are so beautiful and they hold so much value.

At the dance bar, Brook and I sat and talked with two girls, Sabina and Niru, just shy of 20 years old. They had been working at the bar for 2 years now. Sabina hopes to one day be a teacher. She works to pay for her schooling and to take care of her mom and sister back at home. Her dad left their family for another woman when she was young. If her mom found out what she was doing, she would be angry and ashamed. This work isn’t something she wants to do forever. It’s only temporary, but it’s the best paying job she can find and she really needs the money if she wants to make something of her future. Brook and I were able to get their numbers but this time we had to leave knowing we were not ever going to see them again. We had to leave the following day for a trekking trip that would take us to the end of the month. We gave the ministry their numbers, knowing that someone else would reach out to them.

This right here is one of the hardest parts of the race; leaving things unfinished. It’s almost impossible to see things changed from start to finish in less than a month. Most months, we leave hoping that we made a difference but unable to see the fruits from it directly. We have to trust that seeds were planted and that we did our part in it. But this month it hurts deeper. Leaving someone in so much pain and so much bondage takes the hurt to a whole new level. I wanted so badly to sling the girls over my shoulder and bolt out of the door, punching the men who were taking advantage of them in the face on my way out. But that’s not how it works. God knows there’s timing in all of it. There’s a process. He sees the whole thing from beginning to end, even when I can’t. He asks me to take part in just a small piece of it and I need to be okay with that. And rude awakening: he loves the man in the booth just as much as the girl on the stage.

God’s been preparing my heart for this ministry for the last few months. He has been speaking this verse over me.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

   neither are your ways my ways,”

declares the Lord.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,

   so are my ways higher than your ways

   and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow

   come down from heaven,

and do not return to it

   without watering the earth

and making it bud and flourish,

   so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:

   It will not return to me empty,

but will accomplish what I desire

   and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Isaiah 55: 8-11

God has been reminding me that only He can see the big picture. There are parts about His way of doing things that I will never understand. Because He is God and I am not. But He does promise that His word, His message, will not return void. The things He asks me to say and do, are not said and done in vain. They serve a purpose and they will accomplish the purpose for which it was sent.

Today, as I leave Nepal. As I leave this ministry. As I leave these girls. This is my comfort in the pain of leaving things unfinished.

 

Please pray for Ruby, Sita, Niru, Sabina and the countless other girls in their situation that we didn’t get a chance to meet and minister to.