refiner’s fire: three parts of a story still being written

Part one: On 10/27/18 I started writing a blog that I never posted. In retrospect it’s because God knew there was more to come than just this. Here is the blog I never posted and part one to the start of an incredible story.

AH sweet Jesus has been stretching me in more ways than I can count since the start of this incredible journey. First and foremost he has been wrecking me of my pride. For quite some time I’ve known that I struggle with pride. My pride is what has me running to my comfort zone. My pride is what prevents me from letting others see me in my struggles in an effort to appear like I have it all together. My pride keeps me from stepping out in boldness when Holy Spirit asks me to do something crazy. My pride keeps me from walking in obedience. In an effort to protect myself, my pride builds up the walls that separate me from enjoying the very life God has waiting for me.

So realizing this, I went to the Lord in prayer. I heard the words “refiners fire” and immediately I saw myself laying in a fire. The Lord was trying use the fire to make me stronger and burn away everything that was holding me back from being fully his. However, I had put on this armor in an attempt to protect my flesh. The armor was my pride. What started as an attempt to protect myself from the flames ended up causing me more pain and hurt. The heat from the fire was still burning me but the armor was keeping it from refining me, it was keeping me from being totally consumed. That’s exactly what my pride does. It tries to convince me that it is there to protect me; from others, from myself, from being let down, from being hurt, from being wrong. But in the end, my pride still causes pain but it’s a pain that produces zero fruit and zero refinement. If I were to let go of my pride, lay before the lord and let him mold and shape me into what he wants, the fire becomes worth every bit of uncomfort that the flames bring. When I give up control and I let my defenses down, that is when I will be totally and completely consumed.

In that moment, I made a bold prayer. It went something like this. “Lord, burn away everything that is keeping me from being bare before you. Burn away everything that is hindering me from experiencing more of you. Burn away my pride so that I can truly be refined in your fire. Consume every part of me until all that’s left is a heart on fire.”

He’s doing just that. This month has been filled with opportunities to lay down my pride, let down my guard and just be. It’s looking like vulnerability with my team and with God. It looks like being okay with not having it all together or having all the answers. It looks like choosing to run away from my comfort zone. It looks like speaking what Holy Spirit puts on my heart to speak. It’s uncomfortable. It’s painful. But it’s SO good.

Part two: On 11/8/19 the second part of this story was written; happening 3 weeks after part one. Our whole squad just finished month one of the race and met in Banos, Ecuador to debrief with our squad leaders, mentor, and coaches. It was a time of relaxation, reflection and preparation for the upcoming month. Here is my journal entry from that day.

This morning after session, Dan approached me and said that You’d been laying me on his heart for the past 3 weeks. He had this word for a while but didn’t know when to share it. Today was the day. He wanted me to have his key. Guess what the key says… B U R N.  He told me that You are refining me and taking me through a season of burning. He said it’s going to be difficult and it’s going to be hard and painful but it’s worth it. Why? Because I’m going to come out stronger than ever before. He told me that You want to burn away the masks that I put on so that the only thing left is me. Burn. Refiner’s Fire. WOW. Thank you for sweet confirmations.

 

At launch, we were given something called Keys for the Kingdom. They are necklaces with a key that has a word inscribed on them. The man who makes the keys doesn’t know us but prays over our name and gets a word from the Lord to put on our key. The idea behind the key, is that once you have stepped into what the key says, you give it away to someone else when the Lord lays it on your heart to do so. At launch, my key said rise up. It was given during a time where I was asking the God to grow my boldness as a follower of Holy Spirit and as a leader. I am still learning how to rise up and step into my identity. But now the Lord has given me another key through Dan. A key that confirms all He was been teaching me and asking of me. He wants me to burn for Him and Him alone.

Part three: This part of the story came during my time with the Lord the day after Dan gave me his key. He took me to one of my favorite scripture verses and connected even more of the dots through it. Here is my journal entry from 11/9/18.

 

Song of Solomon 8:6-7

Place me like a seal over your heart,

Like a seal on your arm;

For love is as strong as death

Its jealousy demanding as the grave.

Its burns like a blazing fire,

Like a mighty flame.

Many waters cannot quench this love;

Rivers cannot sweep it away.

 

The fire that I am in is the fire of God’s jealousy and love. He wants all of me and is relentless in His pursuit.

Love is as strong as death. Lord, my love for You wants to put to death all that separates me from drawing closer to Your love. Burn it all away.

 

Every day it seems like there is more being added to this story and more that God is revealing to me about the burning taking place. I know I am in a season of learning what refinement looks like; of learning what it means to be taken into the refiner’s fire. But this burning is one that will continue for the rest of my life. I want to live from a place of refinement. I want to live from a place of burning for the Lord. I know this story is not over. In fact, it’s just beginning. This heart is willing and ready. Let’s  b u r n.

I want to end this blog with a scripture we read as a team last night. The sweet confirmations continue to flow.  

 

1 Peter 1:6

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith– of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire– may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.