Ever since I was a young girl I’ve struggled to allow myself to make mistakes. I built a habit of never entering into new situations unless I was absolutely sure I would succeed at it. I struggled to start something new without first knowing what the end would look like. I do this out of a fear of failing and a fear of being wrong. Through the years God has broken me of this. Going off to college was the first “big unknown” of my life. It was one of the first times I jumped right into something that I had no clue what I was getting into but I said yes. Packed into that big unknown was countless small unknowns so by the time I graduated I felt so stretched in this area. Of course it’s still my natural tendency to revert back to old patterns. Knowing this, God intentionally fills my life with unknowns to continuously break this tendency of mine.
The world race is my next big unknown. I jumped right into it having no clue what I was getting myself into. I know that this big unknown is going to hold so many small unknowns. To be honest, it has been a struggle to jump in and say yes without fear. But God is patient and He is kind. He knows my pace and He is more than willing to take baby steps with me. He’s placed people all around me who are bold and who are fearless in their obedience.
During our first week in Colombia, Suze and I were having one of our late night chats taking in the beautiful view of the city from our porch (CHECK OUT THE PIC BELOW FOR A GLIMPSE). During launch she had this word spoken over her that she is marked with obedience and she will step out without hesitation when God moves her. This is so true of Suze, she is truly marked with fearless obedience. So I asked her to pray over me and impart that gift to me so that I can say yes without questioning or fear. It was a short prayer but I felt my spirit rise up; I felt a shift.
It’s funny (and a little scary) how fast God works. Part of our ministry this month is running the church services for our ministry and the various campuses around the city. This includes leading worship, praying, and preaching. The very next day after Suze and I prayed, one of our team mates approached me and asked me to lead worship with my guitar on that Sunday (3 days from then). Our team had to split between churches and they needed another guitar player. Without hesitation I said yes.
WAIT WHAT?
- I know 4 chords on the guitar.
- I had never played 3 of the songs on the setlist they picked.
- 2 of the songs were in Spanish
- I’ve never played in front of anyone, let alone leading worship in front of an entire church.
After the word “yes” came out of my mouth I started thinking that through a bit. What have I gotten myself into? Then I heard the Father say, “this is what you asked for, right?” Dang Lord. Through it all I felt such a peace; there was no fear.
For the past year I’ve felt a desire to pick up the guitar in my alone time with the Lord to express myself to Him in worship. That has been the extent of it. At training camp I felt the Lord urge me to buy a travel guitar and bring it. I thought it was just for more of my alone time with Him, MAYBE a few worship sessions with just my team. I had absolutely no clue that 2 weeks into the race I would be on a stage, with shaky sweaty hands, strumming my little heart out, helping lead a Colombian church in worship. God is funny.
After one of the night church services where we led worship, my little friend Samuel went straight for my guitar. He picked it up and started strumming away. He was full of joy and wonder. In that moment, God showed me that this is what my yes looks like to Him. Samuel had no clue how to play, but he didn’t care, and neither did God. It wasn’t about the talent or the sound coming out. It wasn’t about the outcome. It was about worshipping our Dad in heaven and giving him everything we have. That is what our yes means to Him.Since Suze prayed over me there have been a series of opportunities God has given me to say yes with out hesitation. Because of those moments of obedience I’ve gotten to pray for people, encourage people with words from the Lord, and see people give their hearts to Jesus.
I’ve seen the fruits of bold obedience and I know with each yes, hearts will be changed. Here’s to rising up, stepping out, saying yes, and asking for more.
